An Attempt to Feel Better

[morrigan716]

If I were a month I would be: March
If I were a day of the week I would be: Friday
If I were a time of day I would be: 3:00 a.m.
If I were a planet I would be: Neptune
If I were a sea animal I would be: A jellyfish
If I were a direction I would be: East
If I were a piece of furniture I would be: A day bed
If I were a sin I would be: Premarital sex
If I were a historical figure I would be: Anne Boleyn
If I were a liquid I would be: Diet Dr. Pepper
If I were a stone, I would be: Limstone
If I were a tree, I would be: Weeping willow
If I were a bird, I would be: Great blue heron
If I were a tool, I would be: A hoe.
If I were a flower/plant, I would be: Daisy
If I were a kind of weather, I would be: Thunderstorm
If I were a mythical creature, I would be: Unicorn
If I were a musical instrument, I would be: Harp
If I were an animal, I would be: A black cat
If I were a color, I would be: Black
If I were a vegetable, I would be: Iceberg lettuce
If I were a sound, I would be: Fingernails scratching on a chalkboard.
If I were an element, I would be: Fire
If I were a car, I would be: A 1957 Crown Victoria
If I were a song, I would be: "Doll Parts" Hole
If I were a movie, I would be directed by: Stanley Kubrick
If I were a book, I would be written by: Margaret Atwood
If I were a food, I would be: Devil's food cake
If I were a place, I would be: The Tower of London
If I were a material, I would be: Black satin
If I were a taste, I would be: Sour
If I were a scent, I would be: Vanilla
If I were a religion, I would be: Agnostic
If I were a word, I would be: forfuckingever
If I were an object, I would be: A doormat
If I were a body part I would be: Toes full of bunions.
If I were a facial expression I would be: An evil glare.
If I were a subject in school I would be: Theatre Arts
If I were a cartoon character I would be: Lisa Simpson
If I were a shape I would be a: Celtic knot