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Strong Woman Moment
Dec. 28th, 2003 10:27 amI may come across as a sap most of the time, but I consider myself a very strong woman. I feel weak a lot. I am far too worried about my appearance and what others think of me most of the time. But here is why I am strong:
1. I suffer from major depression/paranoid personality disorder, yet in spite of this I maintain a sense of humor. I have had a difficult life, yet I have survived. I have little support from others with my illness, but I've survived very well considering.
2. I take care of a child alone. I have help from family, but his father's assistance has been few and far between. I knew from the beginning (since I discovered I was pregnant) that it would not be easy. I also knew from the beginning that I would not marry his father. Extended relatives seem to think I should have married the guy no matter what, but I felt like marrying a man I didn't love just for the baby's sake would only cause me and the baby more grief. Many of my relatives have gotten pregnant before they were married, but as far as I know I'm the first that was brave enough to go it alone.
3. I wear whatever I want to. My style has not changed much since age 18 except that I've gotten bigger and wear long skirts now. I wear Celtic crosses in Wichita Falls, in spite of the fact that your average dumbass here thinks they are satanic. People constantly tell me what I should do with my hair, makeup, etc. and though I occasionally take a suggestion, I continue to keep my style the way I like it.
4. I refuse to let my self worth be determined by some dumb man. Yeah, there are times that my low self-esteem says, "Why doesn't anyone want me?" But I know many women who feel like nothing unless they have a man in their life. Again, some of my relatives think I don't count because I am not married, but I would much rather be alone than treated like crap. I maintain the faith that there is a good man left who will treat me well, but if I can't find him, I will be fine on my own.
5. I never give up. Quite often things look hopeless for me. Often I believe they are. I often feel like giving up. But I haven't yet. Ultimately, I hold on in the midst of adversity. I do theatre as a hobby, yet my decent roles have been few and far between. But I keep auditioning. I am very confortable on stage and if I have to play Third Tree From the Right, just to get the rush I'll do it. I still believe that someday I'll get a really good one. I continue to have hope for the future, not just in theatre but with everything.
This rant was inspired by watching "The Color Purple" last night. Such an awesome movie. It is a White People Suck Movie and a Men Suck Movie all wrapped into one. I love it! For something like 15 years, Ceelie tolerates a man telling her she is stupid, useless, ugly, etc. She finally has enough and leaves him. Without this "stupid, useless, ugly" woman, the fucker can't even wipe his own ass. It's great!
"I'm poor. I'm black. I may even be ugly. But dear God, I'm here. I'm here!"
OK. I'm done.
1. I suffer from major depression/paranoid personality disorder, yet in spite of this I maintain a sense of humor. I have had a difficult life, yet I have survived. I have little support from others with my illness, but I've survived very well considering.
2. I take care of a child alone. I have help from family, but his father's assistance has been few and far between. I knew from the beginning (since I discovered I was pregnant) that it would not be easy. I also knew from the beginning that I would not marry his father. Extended relatives seem to think I should have married the guy no matter what, but I felt like marrying a man I didn't love just for the baby's sake would only cause me and the baby more grief. Many of my relatives have gotten pregnant before they were married, but as far as I know I'm the first that was brave enough to go it alone.
3. I wear whatever I want to. My style has not changed much since age 18 except that I've gotten bigger and wear long skirts now. I wear Celtic crosses in Wichita Falls, in spite of the fact that your average dumbass here thinks they are satanic. People constantly tell me what I should do with my hair, makeup, etc. and though I occasionally take a suggestion, I continue to keep my style the way I like it.
4. I refuse to let my self worth be determined by some dumb man. Yeah, there are times that my low self-esteem says, "Why doesn't anyone want me?" But I know many women who feel like nothing unless they have a man in their life. Again, some of my relatives think I don't count because I am not married, but I would much rather be alone than treated like crap. I maintain the faith that there is a good man left who will treat me well, but if I can't find him, I will be fine on my own.
5. I never give up. Quite often things look hopeless for me. Often I believe they are. I often feel like giving up. But I haven't yet. Ultimately, I hold on in the midst of adversity. I do theatre as a hobby, yet my decent roles have been few and far between. But I keep auditioning. I am very confortable on stage and if I have to play Third Tree From the Right, just to get the rush I'll do it. I still believe that someday I'll get a really good one. I continue to have hope for the future, not just in theatre but with everything.
This rant was inspired by watching "The Color Purple" last night. Such an awesome movie. It is a White People Suck Movie and a Men Suck Movie all wrapped into one. I love it! For something like 15 years, Ceelie tolerates a man telling her she is stupid, useless, ugly, etc. She finally has enough and leaves him. Without this "stupid, useless, ugly" woman, the fucker can't even wipe his own ass. It's great!
"I'm poor. I'm black. I may even be ugly. But dear God, I'm here. I'm here!"
OK. I'm done.
